Beyond the birds and the bees

Rosmarie Weber spent the best part of her childhood and adolescence in homes and hospitals where the youngsters were introduced to sexuality in a spirit that was far from enlightened or modern. The hackneyed metaphor of birds and bees was all that was on offer.

Looking back

I remember hearing the basic facts of life in the children's home where I grew up as a very negative experience. At about the age of eleven we girls were given a talk by the director of the home, about the birds and the bees. That was all we had in terms of sex education. One day a few boys and girls were caught "playing doctors" in the barn. This led to a huge row and severe punishment. We had a vague idea of how babies got into mummy's tummy, but no clue as to how it got out again.

Physical changes

I was personally shocked when I felt my body starting to change. When I had my first period at the age of fourteen I was terrified, but no one was there to give me any comfort or support. During the vacation at home I worked up the courage to tell my mother that I had a problem. Her response was blunt: "I've got mine, and now you've got yours. You'll just have to manage on your own!" So the subject of sex was taboo not just in the children's home, but in our house too. I found it all very depressing. I knew that I wanted something, but I didn't realize that I was longing for love and tenderness. Both my mother and my teachers were emotionally cold. When I was about seventeen I became aware that there were gays and lesbians, but that never struck me as a problem.

True facts of life come as a shock

During a spell in hospital at the age of twenty-two, I finally learned the true facts of life. A female patient noticed my ignorance and gave me a book on sexuality. I felt disgust and revulsion; I found it difficult to digest the facts, because the world of fantasy that I had built up over the years was getting all muddled up.

Then I began to get vain. I realized that lots of men looked at me, but I was convinced that they were only after one thing: getting me into bed. Deep inside I knew that if I was to have intimate contact with someone, it would have to be in a serious and lasting relationship. I also knew that I would want to get married and have children. However, time after time I was told that because of my disability (polio) this would never be possible. The question of whether I was allowed to have children or should abstain from motherhood never occurred to me. One thing I was sure about: I would only deliver a healthy child and if it was sick I would abort it, because I would not want my child to suffer the same fate as I did. Sadly, my wish to have a child never came true, which I regret to this day.

Enjoying sex

When at 25 I met my husband, I finally had the chance to experience my own sexuality the way I wanted to, and the way I still enjoy it. Of course, I'd love to have sex in a bath tub one time, or under the shower, or under the sky. I'd even quite like to have sex with someone else for a change. I have occasionally fallen in love with other men.

As far as femininity and sexuality are concerned, I don't care at all what other people say or think. For me it is far worse to see how disabled people are not taken seriously, discriminated against, and laughed at.

Source: Rosmarie Weber, INFORUM 1/98, pro infirmis